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For many years, I struggled with performance anxiety. When exposed passages came up in ensemble rehearsals and performances, I would get noticeably nervous. It wasn’t until years after graduating from college that I realized something – my performance anxiety was rooted in past experience.
I won’t go into detail about my childhood, but it is worth saying that I have some history there. The seeds for anxiety were planted at an early age.
When learning to play the French horn and how to become a professional, I sought out teachers that were role models.
My first horn teacher was a very kind man, who was very supportive. I would get nervous and fall apart sometimes in lessons, but it was never a problem. He did his best to spin in it into a more positive direction.
My second teacher was a well-known Professor with a stern, academic mindset. A strict regimen of etudes and orchestral excerpts were assigned weekly. You were expected to perform them in lessons perfectly (the first time), but figure out how to do that on your own.
This approach did not go well for me. My anxiety skyrocketed and I would sometimes freeze up or crash in lessons. When this happened, the Professor would shrug his shoulders, offer tidbits of generic advice, and reassign the same etudes for the next lesson.
Weekly lessons became less about learning and more about jumping through hoops. Over time, I grew to dread my lessons and fear my teacher.
This experience had a long-lasting impact on my psyche – as a musician and as a person. Here are some thoughts to share in response, for both teachers and students to consider:
Lesson Materials
Teachers – think deeply about your lesson materials. Are they set in concrete? Is there room for flexibility? Do you rely on predetermined rubrics and standards to get through your day? Are you keeping the student’s best interests in mind when doing this?
Students – if you are feeling overly-challenged by lesson materials, speak up! It may feel awkward at first to admit a shortcoming, but this is the entire point of taking music lessons. You are there to improve!
Lesson Gestalt
Teachers – pay attention to your student’s demeanor during lessons. Do they appear calm and relaxed? Or do they appear withdrawn, tense, or nervous?
Students – talk openly about anxiety with your teacher. If you feel dismissed by this dialogue, it might be time to think about studying with a different teacher.
Teachers – is your lesson studio a warm and inviting space that inspires dialogue and learning? Or is it a dull and drab room that “does the job?”
Students – do you feel comfortable in your lesson environment, whether it be a university studio, school practice room, or home studio? Do you feel that your teacher is competent in what they are doing and has your best interests in mind?
Mental Health
Teachers – think about the impact you are having on your student’s confidence and well-being – not just as a performer, but as a human being. As a mentor, you may need to devote extra thought for students who:
- come from, or currently live in, difficult living circumstances
- remain silent (or are overly rambunctious) during lessons
- cannot focus on performing for one reason or another
- appear to need help with their mental health
- have no idea how to practice
Students – do not ignore feelings related to your mental health. Keeping it a secret can make matters worse. If you are feeling like a failure, please consider:
- talking to your teacher
- talking to a trusted friend
- talking to someone about your teacher
- talking to a counselor or therapist
- trying medication (under medical supervision)
- taking a break from the horn
- switching to a different teacher
- switching to something else entirely as a creative outlet
For more on this topic, please see:
- On Mentorship, Believing in Yourself, and Recovery from Abuse
- Cruel Teacher or Demanding Teacher?
- Another perspective on performance anxiety
- Deeper insights 2: Anxiety
