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This photo and the memories associated with it are among my most prized possessions.
This is Milan Yancich, the man who saved my creative soul. There is a bit of a story to tell, but it has a valuable lesson to share about recovering from abuse and trusting your feelings.
The Cruel vs. Kind Teacher
I came to Milan a shattered mess. I had studied previously with a teacher that I will call “CT” (for “Cruel Teacher”). From my youthful perspective, CT was cold, impersonal, and stern.
He was not helpful with my technique, and was of the opinion that if you didn’t have it figured out by the time you got to college, it was too late. I asked him to help with my faulty embouchure, but he refused.
Over time, I became scared of him and started dreading my weekly lessons.
By contrast, Milan Yancich was a very kind man, with a methodical approach for building technique. Over the next two years, we worked on nothing but basics: scales, arpeggios, long tones, and simple, melodic etudes – the building blocks of music.
It was like therapy for me. A recovery from post-traumatic stress.
Believe in Yourself and Your Feelings
If you ever feel uncomfortable or humiliated in a private lesson, believe yourself and your feelings.
In my own case, I doubted myself and my feelings. Looking back now however, I can see how CT’s behavior was so very detrimental to me, as a budding musician and human being.
Trust your gut… your “spidey-sense.”
Whether it be feelings of a teacher intimidating or belittling you or something worse, like sexual harassment, get yourself the hell out of there if necessary.
You are paying good money for those lessons and it is well within your right to get up and leave without saying a word.
Talk to someone who you trust. It may help you determine whether your feelings are real, imagined… or even a mix of both. In my case, it was a mix of both. CT’s stern behavior triggered all sorts of demons in my head, that I had no idea about until many years later.
Even if it turns out that you are completely mistaken, you can always own up and take responsibility later. If the teacher still takes offense by your mistake after apologies are made, take that as a sign to hit the road and look for a new teacher.
Be good to one another. We are all in this together.
But please be aware that, even today in this modern digital age, bad actors are still out there who might do you harm – in one way or another.
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Other posts in this series:
- Music-Making and Personal Identity
- Cruel Teacher, or Demanding Teacher?
- The Enduring Enigma of Dale Clevenger
- Response to “Clevenger Enigma”
