Chasing Rainbows; On Critiquing Horn Clams

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Reaction to a NY Times review, “That Wild Card of the Orchestra.”

I have read critic Allan Kozinn’s odd diatribe in the New York Times on the French horn several times now, honestly trying to make sense of it. I am having mixed reactions.

All prejudices against the instrument itself aside, I am a particularly bothered by his remarks against Phil Myers – whose musicianship I have grown to admire and respect – and the Philharmonic section, and his response to people who have emailed him with comments.

Of about a dozen e-mail messages, all but one correspondent found someone other than the players to blame for the performance. A few blamed me: I am supposedly a raging cornophobe with some deep-seated resentment of horns and hornists.

To the contrary. I played the horn briefly as a teenager, somewhere between the violin and the trombone (which had a nicer bite), and I gave up brass instruments only when I realized that continuing would mean spending weekends marching around at football games in a dopey band uniform.

Of course there is a huge difference between toying around with the horn as a teenager, and holding down a position in a major symphony orchestra.

When it comes to lead horn-playing Mr. Myers is in a elite, world-class league. It really doesn’t get much better than this. Kazinn’s comments are comparable to spouting ignorant remarks against Mexicans, and then qualifying them with the tired line of “but some of my best friends are Mexican!”

On the other hand – this review points out yet another reason for horn players to take accuracy as a serious issue. Rationalizations that the horn is difficult and prone to cracked notes are no excuse for sloppy playing.

In that respect Kazinn is justified in calling it as he sees it. Musicians should not give critics the ammunition to take cheap shots.

The New York Entertainment writes:

In a curious piece in today’s New York Times “Arts” section, classical-music writer Allan Kozinn defends himself from charges that he is a French-horn hater — a “cornophobe” — by hating on “treacherous” French horns (and hornists!) for 1,300 words. It’s a totally fun piece that doesn’t feel at all like your typical classical-music coverage. What on earth is so hateable, you might ask, about an instrument mostly known as the one that no one in your tenth-grade concert band wanted to play? What isn’t, asks Allan Kozinn!

Under a picture of a French horn, the tag line reads, “the culprit.” Funny.

Hitting on an easy target

This is not the first time that a critic has singled out a specific horn player for ridicule. Some critics make a sport of it. Critic Lawrence Johnson at the Miami Herald once singled out the principal hornist of the Florida Grand Opera Orchestra.

One review (now unpublished) began:

As the consumptive Mimi took her last breath Saturday night, the hushed, poignant moment was immediately shattered by a rude horn blat in the first ominous death chord.

That jarring lapse was doubly unfortunate for it was Elizabeth Caballero, as a touching, resplendently sung Mimi, who provided the finest vocalism and fleeting bright moments in Florida Grand Opera’s lackluster production of La bohème , which opened Saturday night at the Ziff Ballet Opera House.

This article stimulated a long conversation in the post-article comments. In later reviews, Mr. Johnson singled out the principal horn by name, as Kazinn has recently done.

As a child I have a very distinct memory of a review of Bruckner’s Fourth. It was my hometown orchestra, the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra. I was so struck by the article that I cut it out and posted it on my wall, where it remained for several years.

The title read “Bruckner’s Enigma With Burbling Horn.” Not only did the critic have a dislike for the principal hornist, he apparently also had issues with the composer Anton Bruckner.

Elephant in the room or figment of the imagination?

Comments like these are funny, amusing and disturbing. If a critic’s ears are so easily offended so as to lump all performances with clams as “sow’s ears,” – as Kazinn has done – what then do they think of clarinet “squeaks,” bassoon “hee-haws” and trumpet and trombone “blats?” Where does the line between human frailty and lofty artistic standards lie?

To be intellectually and emotionally stimulated – even moved – by an artistic experience is indeed a wonderful thing. The pursuit of perfection and the ideal, sublime experience however is a subjective, slippery slope. Like chasing rainbows, it offers little satisfaction and constant disappointment.

You get what you listen for Mr. Kozinn, whether it be the New York Philharmonic or a junior high school band.

UPDATE:
In Defense of the French horn at cognitive dissonance.

Photo credit:
Giant Clam

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