More Thoughts on Narcissism

Brilliant performers, lousy colleagues.

A number of visitors have been diverted to this blog looking for help on narcissism disorders. I am not a doctor, but I have been narcissist fodder. From that awful experience I learned valuable lessons worth repeating and sharing. Sometimes the best way to learn what is good is through analyzing what is bad.

As noted in “The N Words: Narcissism:”

I have worked in a variety of fields and workplaces and in my observation, there is something inherently attractive in the Arts that draws an inordinate number of people with narcissistic tendencies – some with full-blown disorders.

Either that, or the arts business itself nurtures this kind of behavior.

Music, and the Arts in general, involves the emotions in order to perform; emotional temperament is a part of the job. Musicians and teachers need to get excited by (and sometimes aggressive with) what they are doing in order to inspire or motivate others.

Quiet narcissism

A hint of “quiet narcissism” (if such a thing exists) can actually be a good thing, especially at auditions. Feeling confident and invincible by adopting a bolder persona can help give a musician a stronger competitive edge. It can help a classroom or private teacher deliver lessons in a more convincing manner.

However as noted in Psychology Today:

As one researcher put it, being somewhat narcissistic is like driving a huge SUV: You’re having a great time, even while you hog the road, suck up extra resources and put other drivers at higher risk.

Most adults are capable of controlling and separating themselves from this persona, but in some instances, they cannot or do not. Confidence becomes hubris and weakness perceived in other people becomes a stepping stone for personal fulfillment and advancement.

I must sheepishly admit to having teetered on megalomania myself. This, along with the negative personal experience alluded to earlier, is why I recognize and believe that this is a valid topic to be aware of.

In search of answers

Most of the search engine terms that hit on the original blog article are in a question format:

• Do I attract narcissists?
• Can I change a narcissist?
• Why does a narcissist ignore me?

• How do I deal with a narcissist?

• Does a narcissist have regrets?

While I do not feel qualified to give specific answers to these questions, I can offer some resources for more information. In dealing with this darker side of human nature, it is helpful to be informed. It is an awful thing to be caught unaware of a narcissist’s plots to interfere with (or even ruin) your psyche or livelihood.

Narcissists – in any realm – can be incredibly seductive people and very brilliant performers, but they make absolutely lousy friends and colleagues. No matter how attractive, there is very little to be admired.

Resources to investigate:

• Narcissism 101
  An comprehensive look into Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
• A Tip Sheet
  Scroll down a bit on this page to find advice from a self-admitted narcissist
• A Field Guide to Narcissism
  An article from Psychology Today.

Pictured at top right:
The DVD cover for “Svengali, ” a classic 1931 film of a failed musician who lives his career vicariously through a hypnotized victim.