The “N” Words: Narcissism

Music, the arts and the Internet attract narcissists like a moth to a flame.

Narcissism — the hope being that professionals (in any field – arts, business, journalism, or sports as examples) reading this might glean some valuable or useful information recognizing one of the darker aspects of human nature.

It’s a big world out there and some people don’t play nice. It is a terrible thing to be caught unaware if you happen to become a victim.

“Scratch my back” and I’ll…uhm…stab you in yours

To a certain degree, a hint of narcissism is a good thing. It gives us drive and ambition.

However, I have had the displeasure to encounter extreme examples in my professional experience as a musician and educator. My (sometimes) blind faith in the goodness of human nature has allowed nefarious individuals to get footholds in my psyche and take advantage…sometimes wreaking havoc in my life.

I have no regrets; these are lessons – learned the hard way – that I truly value. Some people just can’t help themselves and like to tinker with other people’s lives in order to add value to their own.

It’s sad really.

I have worked in a variety of fields and workplaces and in my observation, there is something inherently attractive in the Arts that draws an inordinate number of people with narcissistic tendencies – some with full-blown disorders.

Either that, or the arts business itself nurtures this kind of behavior.

Is it the love and adoration of public attention? Is it that spiritual feeling of being a part of something larger-than-life that only a few people in the world can do? Is it the drama and emotion of the art itself?

I am not a doctor so I can’t really say with any certainty. However, like Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said when referring to obscenity, “I know it when I see it.”

I am soooo pretty…

Narcissism can be abstractly defined as a need for love and attention to a degree that is harmful to others and ultimately, to one’s self. I also have heard the term “malignant self-love” used when describing it.

Narcissus in Greek mythology was a handsome youth who rejected the advances of a magical nymph named Echo. She punishes him for his inattention, cursing him to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate love, Narcissus withers away and changes into the flower that bears his name today, the narcissus.

Other common terms associated with narcissism are “megalomania” and “delusions of grandeur.” In its extreme form, this type of behavior is an obsessive preoccupation with love, fame, popularity, wealth or power – many times to the detriment of other people.

Psst…the boss is a Poopie-Pants

As pointed out in a previous blog “Who’s the New Guy!?” picking on the boss – a colleague, section leader, contractor, manager or conductor – can be a popular sport among musicians. (This is true in any field really.)

To a certain degree, venting like this is cathartic – it feels good to unload and bring to light your opinions on a “snafu” that is “fubar.”

Certainly with a trusted friend or life-partner there is nothing wrong with sharing gripes and complaints. Be aware however that in sharing opinions with co-workers and colleagues, or with the online world on blogs or in emails, your words might get you in trouble.

An enterprising narcissist might use your words to advance themselves. They like to be at the center of things – of power, of activity, of love – and will do just about anything to get there.

My advice – in any new job situation, keep your mouth shut and your eyes open. Figure out the dynamic first before sharing any honest opinions.

I want it NOW!!

As a child one of my favorite movies was the original “Willy Wonka” movie starring Gene Wilder. Its black humor reminds me of some of the darker Brothers Grimm tales. While not a great commercial success, this movie was recognized by critics and remains one of my favorites. It is considered a cult classic.

There are grim consequences for some of the characters. Veruca Salt, for example, constantly demands whatever she desires at any given moment and allegorically illustrates an extreme example of narcissism. She gets labeled as a “bad egg” and is dropped into the Wonka furnace along with the trash.

As a long-term substitute music teacher, I witness behavior like this more and more as time goes on. I have grave concerns on the state of education in Arizona, but that is a topic for a different blog.